First of all, let me tell you that you STILL ARE a nice young lady, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, and you are CERTAINLY not alone. If you don't beleive me, watch the daytime judge/court shows to see how many people get screwed over by an ex-lover/spouse. It's sad, but very true.
Now, as far as the credit card...I'm wondering why you must be help accountable for this. If you signed for the charges, then I suppose so. If you both had either a written or verbal agreement, it may be worth taking him to court. Either way, this is a CIVIL matter...if you cannot pay it, DON'T!! Yes, they will call and make threats, etc, etc...but just dont answer the calls...or even change your number. You could also try calling the credit card company and ask for a reduction in interest rates. If you do not pay it, it may be ONE black mark on your credit, and you CAN and SHOULD go to all three credit reports and contest the information. It's free and completely legal. If this is all you have as a black mark, and you have other positive credit, you have little to worry about as far as applying for an apartment, etc.
Now, about going to school...it doesn't sound like you make much, and should be able to qualify for grants and possibly others monies to go to school. Email me privately and I can guide you on this. tanya_hanna67@yahoo.com
I would try your local Salvation Army, or go to some garage sales or thrift stores...clean the toys up and wrap them...they may not even know the difference!
I hear the frustration in your writing. Many people are suffering this year...consider yourself lucky to have a place to lay your head and food in your belly! I know several who do not have that, sadly enough.
I would try doing a homemade Christmas. Me myself, I am making homemade Cookbooks for my family...printing off recipes from the internet, glueing them to construction paper or cliding them into sheet protectors, and then putting them into a small 3-ring binder. I'm even letting my kids decorate a sheet of paper to slide in the front cover.
But there are tons of ideas...just look up some websites and pick what you like!
First of all....hello, and welcome! Second of all, it is my understanding that this is not a place to hand out loans...although I can see where the name of the website may not make that clear to some people. Rather, it IS s place to put our shared knowledge, hope,experience, and ideas to try and put ourselves in better places.....financially, emotionally, spiritually, whatever.
If your husband/soon-to-be ex-husband is NOT paying child support, and their is verifiable records that the twins ARE indeed his, as far as I know there is not question...he MUSt pay child support...maybe the laws are different in your state, but that is what is done here. I know because I am the divorced mom to two children as well, although mine are considerably older, and since he has custody, I must pay him support...to the tune of $420 per month...whether I'm employed or not...the state does not care here. You could always contact the AG's office and ask questions as to why they are not requiring him to pay at this point....while you and the kids suffer.
I do not understand why you cannot get help from DHS. Did you tell them all of your circumstances with him not paying support, you paying child care, etc,etc???
I would try finding your local church and asking for help...they are always a good resource...especially if it is one you attend on a fairly regular basis. The Salavation Army is also a good place to go, especially for gifts for the kids.
Don't despair...I have several ideas for you: First of all...are you getting unemployment??? If not, file right away! You should get income from that in about 4 weeks...at least that is what it is taking my Texas, where I live. Even if you were working a menial job, self-employed, etc, you should still apply...let THEM tell you that you do not qualify.
Secondly, if your son's father is on disability, then he (your son) should qualify to get a monthly check based on his father's income. May not be much, but it would be something!
Thirdly, you didn't mention about your daughter...are you getting child support from HER father? If not, contact the Attorney General's office in your area and pursue it. I know many women try to make it on their own, or don't want help as long as the man leaves them alone, etc, etc...but it is about the child. They have needs, and the other parent should be paying part of those expenses too.
Lastly, you did not say if you were receiving food stamps, but if not, go apply! You likely qualify for TANF as well, since you're not getting child support. This office should be able to put the kiddos on children's insurance as well. While you are there, ask about any of the other needs you and your children have. I am sure they can direct you to where to go.
I wish I could give you a brighter picture, but many of the charities are tapped out right now due to the economy. I think most are saving their Christmas help, if they have any at all, for younger kiddos...usually older ones are going to want electronics, cell phones, etc, and charities simply cannot afford those things.
Just my opinion, but maybe you can keep trying and manage to find something.
I know it is very hard for many people out there right now, but never be afraid to ask for help. I understand the issues you are having with asking your family for help...I have gone through the exact same thing, and worse! My in-laws think I'm a hypochondriac even though I have x-rays proving otherwise...LOL So, I do truly understand. However, having said that, I remember my parents going though this same thing when I was a kid...sometimes the hassle of dealing with the family is worth it if you know they will help. Make sense?? Sometimes you just gotta take that deep breath, pray for strength, and go and ask.
As for other sources...I do not know much about your community, but a quick search showed me there is a Salvation Army, and a Catholic Charities (you do not have to be Catholic to get help!), and Ann Arbor Community Services that I am guessing are within your general area. Check these sources out! Now is the time they are looking for people who need help with Christmas, so I would not delay.
I know there is a program through social security here in Texas that does take care of some MINOR things like that for people on disability. But, I also know there is a long waiting list.
I don't know if there is a program like that in every state or not. If I were you, I would contact the social security office in your city and ask for your case worker. Tell her the situation and see what she suggests. You could also contact Home Depot and speak with the manager and see if anyone there would be willing to volunteer the supplies and services...never hurts to ask! =) Same with area churches. That is all that I can think of at the moment, but other sources of assistance may come to mind later on. Keep in touch if you can, and let me know how it went with those places I've given you, and I'll let you know if I think of anything else.
I know it is very hard for persons with a felony to find work. One thing I wanted to suggest to you was DARS. I beleive it stands for Disability and Rehabilitation Services. They are a federal program..so they have offices all over the country. They help people with legal problems like that, as well as those who have disabilities and things. I am sure they can help, or at least direct you to someone who can. Look them up online, or in your phonebook.
You are MORE than welcome. That is why I (and you) are here...to help one another. Feel free to contact me any other time you may need to talk or ask a question. Good luck at school!
I hope that things get better for you soon. Have you tried applying for disability for depression, if nothing else?
What about student loans...I know some of mine paid for my classes and I had some left over (hundreds...maybe enough at the time to pay off a month's rent, or buy groceries...)
If you attend any area churches, they often will help.
I cannot truly say that people get the help they are looking for from the people who answer their posts. What I can tell you is that there are people, such as myself, who try really hard to guide and direct people in need to places where they can get the help they are looking for. You may look at my site to se my experience in this field.
I would suggest you look to Freecycle...there are many groups all over the US. They will allow you to post things you are in need of, and also to post things you wish to get rid of. All for FREE! All you have to do is go pick it up in most cases. Some may even be willing to deliver/meet.
Also, try Craigslist. They have a free section, as well as a wanted section. www.craigslist.com
Lastly, try your area churches, thrift stores, and department of human services usually can tell you where the best places are in your community.
First of all, apply for unemployment. this will give you some income...not much, but some. Secondly, get in touch with the attorney general's office in your state. The father of those beautiful children NEEDS TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT...PERIOD. Then, go to the department of human services in your area...apply for food stamps and TANF. They, too, will go after your ex once you apply for state aid. I know in Texas if you opt for a one-time lump sum payment they will give you $1000.00. Or, you can get it spread out.
After that, Sweetie, it sounds to me like you may be a little depressed and anxious. I would not blame you if you were. I worked in the mental health field for a while, and know some about these things. Please DO NOT be ashamed about this...in your circumstances I know I would be and many others would be as well. So, find the local mental health office in your area, and go for an evaulation. They will give you free meds if you are unemployed. You cannot take care of those kids and the rest of your situation if you do not take care of your self.
As for your medical condition, ask the department of human services or the mental health office...they should be able to direct you somewhere in your area.
I unfortunately know about the issues you suffer from. I would check on applying for disability for depression, PTSD...etc. It may help...I know this sounds awful, but it's truly not as bad as it could be....checking into a mental facility, even the local MHMR as an outpatient, so they can give you an evaluation and those records can go to disabilty to prove your case.
If you find a job in the meantime, GREAT! But, if not, then you have this to fall back on. Don't forget about applying for unemployment, food stamps, etc.
Sorry to hear about your problems. It's not the greatest. But be thankful for what you have. Stay in tuned to this site...there's alot of people that need help out there, and we can help.
I would go to a social worker there on your base. It would seem that SOMEONE there should be able to refer you to someplace that could help. I mean, with your husband being active duty and all. I'm wondering why your OBGYN didn't do something to help you before you ruined your teeth like that...it could have hurt the baby! Can you guys sue for damages from the doctor???
I know this post is a bit old, so hopefully you have found help by now. But, in the event you have not, keep hounding the food stamps office. I know many of these offices are running behind, but it should not take more than a couple of weeks to get your stamps to you, as long as you provide all the needed paperwork.
As for your tooth, as the worker there is she can refer you to someone. Or, worst case scenario, go to your county hospital, and beg to be seen on the account of the pain you are having. they should be able to help.
I definiately would go back to school!! Any kind of education is never lost!! Email me at my personal email, and we can discuss further...I used to be a counselor at a community college, so I know alot about financial aid, college coursework, etc. I am also a graduate student getting my master's in counseling, so I know the ropes pretty well.
I'm sorry, I do not have the cash to help you. However, go to an area church or hospital, and ask to talk to a social worker. They should be able to refer you to someone who can help.
I realize that this post is rather old, but I would suggest getting an attorney and filing suit against the police department.
Secondly, I would get Child Protective Services involved. See if they can help you with the kids...maybe some parenting classes to give yu some additional ways to handle their behavior. Also, they can perhaps find some "boot camp" type facilities that will help adjust their attitutdes.
Lastly, I would get in touch face-to-face with the Chief of Police and explain what happened, and ask why the officer treated her so violently. There was no reason for this.
I am so sorry you are suffering so greatly. My prayers go to you and your family.
To get emergency food stamps you will have to go to the DHS office in person. They will have you fill out a form. Be sure to list no income for the last couple of weeks, and your actual bills. Bring your lease, utility bills, social security cards, and ID for everyone in the house. That should get you an appointment that day. As for food banks open on Saturdays, I don't know...especially when I don't know where you live. You can try some churches in the area...they usually know where to go, or can maybe help a little to tide you over til you get into the Food Stamp office.
Check with their case worker and see if they can get Meals on Wheels. Also, I know there is a program in Texas where you can get paid for taking care of family members...as long as it is not a spouse. This seems to fit the bill. I don't know if it applies in Florida or not...again, check with your parents' case workers.
I wish there were something I could do to help you keep your ministry. I may be completely wrong here, and please forgive me if I am....
My thinking is that you took a vow to honor and protect and cherish your wife. she is ailing now, from what you said. She is unable to work, but you are not. It seems that maybe what God is asking you to do is go out and find another job. You never know...in doing so, there may be someone God wants you to touch, or someone God is asking to touch you and your life. We never know God's reasons for anything.
Again, I respect what you are doing and have done. But maybe this is what God is saying to you.
I agree...no need to be defensive. Also, many states offer a crime victim's fund. I know Texas does. It requires some paperwork, but if that is a problem, I'm sure most social workers would help with that. It's worth checking in to!
Sounds like you're doing very well, and you're thinking is right on track. God understands that we get bummed out from time to time...He knows our human limitations, after all, He made us, right??
So, enjoy spending time with your son, do things around your home to organize/beautify. Spend time on hobbies, etc. Get into your own sense of spirituality. Reach out to others for comfort, wisdom, adult companionship.
